Friday, July 13, 2012

My Essay for 4th Gup



The following was the essay I wrote for my Gup Shim Sa in January of 2011. Typos and misspellings left for chung jik.



What am I learning and expecting through practicing Hyungs (Forms)?

            When I begin to practice my Hyung, I take a moment to compose myself, to bring my mind into focus, and to become aware of my torso, my limbs, my hands and feet. In Joon Bi position, I inhale deeply and become aware of my lungs, my energy. I repeat the name of my Hyung to myself, both as practice for good habits and as a way to invoke the concentration of my mind and the muscle memory for the form that I hope to achieve.
            I say to myself ‘Shi Sun!” and I begin. As I move from one position to the next, I not only call to mind the sequence in which the movements should be performed, but also the lessons of the Song of the Sip Sam Seh. I remind myself to “hold the head as if suspended from a string,” that “the source of the will is in the waist,” and that “the body should be flexible,” all while trying to remain in the moment and not lose focus on the Hyung itself.
            In moving from an attack to a block, I try to remind myself that I face an invisible opponent. To stay low. To coil energy and to release. My block should flow naturally from the prior movement while summoning the energy to effectively protect me. My body should already be chambered for the next motion, into which I step as if taking advantage of an opening in my invisible opponent’s defenses. All this is done while I try to remember to breathe effectively and keep my stance low and balanced. I am already fatigued.
            “Skill will take care of itself,” says the Song of the Sip Sam Seh. I trust that the skill for this form is developing as long as I apply myself fully to the task of performing it. The harder I work, the more tired I become from repetition, the more I get out of it. I repeat the form, feel the energy flow up from the ground and move my limbs, ignoring how tired I feel.
            Recently my Sa Bom Nim told our class that he could write down all of his thoughts on Soo Bahk Do and who he is, and that doing so would fill a very thick volume. However, he explained, he could perform just one form – or even just one Ha Dan Mahk Kee – and show us who he truly is without a wasted word. He tried to impart to us that each time we practice our Hyung is as important as a performance during testing, or during competition. With many students in class that night, he reminded us that if we only wait to ‘try’ when he calls us up to work with him directly, we are wasting our time. What if he did not call us up that evening? What was the point in moving through the form at half energy or half speed? We should always perform as if we are being evaluated. Through constant application of our energy and effort, we cultivate our skill and our spirit. By always performing a form with full intent and using our best posture and energy, we cultivate the muscle memory for good habits. Whether we revisit our very first Ki Cho Hyung, or focus on remembering our newest, more complicated form, we must dedicate ourselves completely.
            It is nice to be promoted in rank, or to win competitive trophies. But these things do not make me a Soo Bahk Do artist, and they will never make me a master practitioner. The discipline and focus to always try my best, the courage to always try harder, the determination to make my muscles ache and then to keep going. These things define me as a martial artist. In practicing my Hyung, I test myself. I evaluate my dedication, my level of skill, areas where I have worked hard and can see what I have accomplished and most importantly, areas to improve. Did I practice enough? Did I recognize and acknowledge my mistakes? Performing my Hyung is not about proving how good I am. It is about learning who I am. It is about earning my own respect, not that of others. In Soo Bahk Do we do not believe that humans can achieve perfection, and so a Hyung is not about being perfect. It is about being honest about who I am, how hard I try, how I feel.
            I pause a moment to reflect, gather my energy, command myself “Shi Sun!” and begin again.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Yong Gi

At the beginning of this year, Choi Sa Bom Nim made it known he was going to be departing the United States to continue his Soo Bahk Do journey. He will be introducing Soo Bahk Do Moo Duk Kwan to China, beginning in Shanghai in July.

It is very sad to begin making plans for his departure - we would love to 'keep' him forever! But roads merge and diverge and that is life. That is Soo Bahk Do, too.

As if with the greatest foresight, Choi SBN once told me, "Soo Bahk Do is not Master Choi. One day I will be gone, but you must always train." He knew me very well even then.

When I learned that he would be leaving it suddenly became very difficult to feel as though my training had purpose. Soo Bahk Do, to me, is as much about the people as the physical training. I always found that Choi SBN's lectures in class gave me direction for my training, focused my energy with philosophy. Now I would no longer have his lectures to look forward to, only back upon.

So I looked back upon that very precise directive: "Always train." There it was. I brushed off the feeling of being lost, not knowing what to do next without his guidance. He had already told me what to do.

As my next rank promotion will make me eligible for Jo Kyo certification, I began in January to assist Choi SBN with the children's class twice per week. I am currently preparing the certification order form, which will be a birthday gift from my husband at the end of the month.

I am finding that, faced with a daunting path ahead, the best thing to do is continue forward. I can meet my challenges directly, or I can worry about them before they are in sight. Either way, the journey does not happen unless we have the courage to take that first step forward.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Essay for 5th Gup

The following is an essay I wrote and handed in for my promotion to 5th Gup, which I tested for this time in 2011. Posting it [sic].


What am I learning and expecting through practicing Hyungs (Forms)?


            When I begin to practice my Hyung, I take a moment to compose myself, to bring my mind into focus, and to become aware of my torso, my limbs, my hands and feet. In Joon Bi position, I inhale deeply and become aware of my lungs, my energy. I repeat the name of my Hyung to myself, both as practice for good habits and as a way to invoke the concentration of my mind and the muscle memory for the form that I hope to achieve.
            I say to myself ‘Shi Sun!” and I begin. As I move from one position to the next, I not only call to mind the sequence in which the movements should be performed, but also the lessons of the Song of the Sip Sam Seh. I remind myself to “hold the head as if suspended from a string,” that “the source of the will is in the waist,” and that “the body should be flexible,” all while trying to remain in the moment and not lose focus on the Hyung itself.
            In moving from an attack to a block, I try to remind myself that I face an invisible opponent. To stay low. To coil energy and to release. My block should flow naturally from the prior movement while summoning the energy to effectively protect me. My body should already be chambered for the next motion, into which I step as if taking advantage of an opening in my invisible opponent’s defenses. All this is done while I try to remember to breathe effectively and keep my stance low and balanced. I am already fatigued.
            “Skill will take care of itself,” says the Song of the Sip Sam Seh. I trust that the skill for this form is developing as long as I apply myself fully to the task of performing it. The harder I work, the more tired I become from repetition, the more I get out of it. I repeat the form, feel the energy flow up from the ground and move my limbs, ignoring how tired I feel.
            Recently my Sa Bom Nim told our class that he could write down all of his thoughts on Soo Bahk Do and who he is, and that doing so would fill a very thick volume. However, he explained, he could perform just one form – or even just one Ha Dan Mahk Kee – and show us who he truly is without a wasted word. He tried to impart to us that each time we practice our Hyung is as important as a performance during testing, or during competition. With many students in class that night, he reminded us that if we only wait to ‘try’ when he calls us up to work with him directly, we are wasting our time. What if he did not call us up that evening? What was the point in moving through the form at half energy or half speed? We should always perform as if we are being evaluated. Through constant application of our energy and effort, we cultivate our skill and our spirit. By always performing a form with full intent and using our best posture and energy, we cultivate the muscle memory for good habits. Whether we revisit our very first Ki Cho Hyung, or focus on remembering our newest, more complicated form, we must dedicate ourselves completely.
            It is nice to be promoted in rank, or to win competitive trophies. But these things do not make me a Soo Bahk Do artist, and they will never make me a master practitioner. The discipline and focus to always try my best, the courage to always try harder, the determination to make my muscles ache and then to keep going. These things define me as a martial artist. In practicing my Hyung, I test myself. I evaluate my dedication, my level of skill, areas where I have worked hard and can see what I have accomplished and most importantly, areas to improve. Did I practice enough? Did I recognize and acknowledge my mistakes? Performing my Hyung is not about proving how good I am. It is about learning who I am. It is about earning my own respect, not that of others. In Soo Bahk Do we do not believe that humans can achieve perfection, and so a Hyung is not about being perfect. It is about being honest about who I am, how hard I try, how I feel.
            I pause a moment to reflect, gather my energy, command myself “Shi Sun!” and begin again.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Essay for 6th Gup

The following was the essay I wrote for my Gup Shim Sa in January of 2010. Typos and misspellings left for chung jik.




 
Explain the elements in the Soo Bahk Do flag and what they mean.
 

Displayed between the Korean Flag and the flag of the DoJang’s home country, and beneath the portraits of the Kwan Jang Nim and founder, the Soo Bahk Do flag, called the Kwan Gi in Hangul, is just as revered as the rest of the Do Jang honor display. Its design was carefully considered to both express the philosophies of the Moo Duk Kwan and to become a unifying symbol to represent our Art worldwide.

The Gold Fist
The gold fist in the center of the Kwan Gi appears to represent the physical aspects of our training, but without the discipline of our philosophy guiding us to seek justice, compose ourselves with honor and to find strength through our unity with each other in the Art.

The Branches with Laurel Leaves
The laurel branches are included to symbolize peace. There are fourteen leaves on the branches to represent the fourteen provinces of Korea, the origin country of Soo Bahk Do Moo Duk Kwan.

The Berries
The six red berries on the flag take their color from the active force, Yang, a color of strength and action. Their number represents the six inhabited continents of the Earth.

The Scroll
The scroll on the flag takes its color from the passive force, Um, a color of wisdom and reflection. The scroll was chosen to represent our founder's intention that all practitioners should also be scholars who temper their strength with wisdom and philosophy.

Soo and Bahk
The Korean character on the left side of the scroll is Soo, which means "Hand." The Korean character on the right side of the scroll is Bahk which means "Strike". Soo Bahk is the name of our style and the means through which we seek our self-improvement.

Moo
Central to our training is the desire to use our Art to promote peace, rather than to see out conflict. This character combines the words for stop and conflict, reminding us that we seek to resolve internal and external conflicts with the knowledge and discipline that we are developing.

Monday, August 22, 2011

My Soo Bahk Do Essay for 7th Gup


The following was the essay I wrote for my Gup Shim Sa in July of 2010. Typos and misspellings left for chung jik.

Explain 1 of the 8 key concepts in Soo Bahk Do philosophy.
In Neh

I always look forward to the classes where Master Choi Sa Bom Nim will provide further explanation of the 8 Key Concepts to his students. His literal translations and cultural insight present a new way to think about and act upon each concept.
I found it very striking when Master Choi spoke to us of In Neh. The translation provided is simply: Endurance. Our master described the construction of the Korean characters that gave the meaning: Keep your mind like a knife inside you.  Now here is a translation I can act upon! Focus. Strength. Purpose. When I first began training, In Neh seemed like prove it. Prove you can stay in horse stance for ten minutes. Prove you can perform Ahp Podo Oll Ligi properly 50 times without stopping. It was a test to take four times per year. But upon hearing this meaning, it became more immediate. Not just do it, but a how and a why. All at once, in my mind, In Neh was its own reward.
The truth about each concept is that it is more than a sum of characters and words. In Neh are the words we invoke to tap into an inner strength and a reserve of spirit. It is something we must develop internally by applying ourselves fully to each task and exercise, inside the Do Jang and in our daily lives. Endurance of the body, gained by regular and intense training, is the outward manifestation of In Neh; how many kicks we can do, how many push-ups, how many squats. Perseverance of the mind, an instrument of our Will, is the inward strength we build through our mental training in Soo Bahk Do. By applying all our lessons we reinforce the mind so that, even when the body wants to give up, the spirit can control the muscles and joints and keep them to their purpose.
Another skill, which I believe to be improved through developing In Neh, is a students Shi Sun (focus). When the thoughts of the day or the frustrations of difficult training invade on the internal calm that keeps the body balanced, the discipline provided by In Neh can command Shi Sun! and return the student to the moment and the exercise at hand. It takes as great a will to remain in the moment as it does to remain in a low stance.
In Neh is my council in difficult moments, both as a practitioner of Soo Bahk Do in the Do Jang and as a human being in the world. Is this pain so important? it asks me, or will you endure to be proud of your accomplishments after the discomfort has faded?  Thanks to In Neh, the difficulties become proof that I am alive, the proof that my training has not ended and the motivation to endure.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My Soo Bahk Do Essay for 8th Gup

The following was the essay I wrote for my Gup Shim Sa in January of 2010. Typos and misspellings left for chung jik.

 
What does the word “Do” (Way) mean to me in Soo Bahk Do?

When I hear the word Do, I picture in my mind a path through the wilderness. It is well worn and clear, distinct from the land around it, which is littered with rocks and prickly brush. The voice of my instructor leads me forward and keeps me from wandering by speaking to me of focus and discipline. He shows me, not just through physical training but also through anecdotes and teachings, the steps that will lead me on this lifelong journey in my study of Soo Bahk Do.
I imagine mountains in the distance that represent my goals. There are landmarks along the way – behind me they are the achievements I have made, and in front of me the achievements I have yet to make. On this journey I know that it is not just my responsibility to follow the path that was laid out before me by others. Weeds grow along the way and want to cover it over. By training hard and maintaining my focus on learning Soo Bahk Do in the manner in which I am instructed, I do my part in maintaining the path, keeping it clear for those who will follow it behind me. The landmarks which are my achievements are not only my own. My name will be carved below the others who began their training first; the road through the mountains ahead of me is filled with a family of students who are on their own journeys and whose perseverance inspires me and fills me with strength.
The sun overhead is bright and the ground is hot beneath my bare feet, but there is no place to rest. The path ahead is endangered by overgrowth; those of us along it must push forward and keep it clear, for ourselves and for the others who follow.
Choi Sa Bom Nim told us once that in Korea there is a saying: Should a Tiger try to bite your arm, push hard into its throat. It will have to let go to survive. In this case he was speaking to us of fighting our own fatigue, to push harder when we want to give up and run. Lately, these are the words that are guiding me through my journey. This winter has been difficult. My body just wants to find a warm place to spend the cold months, and is resistant to the flexibility and endurance that I try to coax from it. Through pain and exhaustion I hear my masters voice, down the path, telling me to push harder. I am finding that, when every step is a struggle, each one I take is a victory of which I can be proud as I make my way.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Foundations

I have been studying Soo Bahk Do for two years as of the end of this month, but I am frequently struck by how crucial the foundations of our training, the moments during our white belt phase, truly are.

As a white belt we are frequently struggling just to keep up. Our bodies aren't used to the rigorous training yet. Our muscles are unprepared to keep low, hold that pose, move smoothly, lead with the hip. We miss the opportunity, by just trying to look like those senior to us, to do things at our own speed so that we can learn to do them correctly.

The habits we form during our early months of training often stay with us, for better or worse, as we progress.

I have struggled with my training over the past 10 months due to back pain and several related injuries. As far as I thought I had come in my training, my body was giving me clear signals that something was wrong.

Am I getting too old? Is true commitment to Soo Bahk Do only for young people? I knew this couldn't be the case, but my bones and muscles were trying to convince me.

Proper body mechanics are often the cure for many chronic joint pains. I have been told this by so many, yet when I am in class and trying to keep up, where does this knowledge go? I seem to leave it in the dressing room, tucked in my shoes with my socks. Only when I feel outright pain do I try to correct my posture or focus on using my core muscles, and so on.

Last night I worked with Sa Bom Nim on my newest form, Chil Sung Il Ro Hyung, going through the movements, trying to remember whether my foot is positioned opened or closed, whether I am inhaling or exhaling, trying to figure out where my right hand should be during the second movement. Master Choi stopped me at one point, and directed my attention to my back leg. I was in Chun Gul Jaseh, but my rear knee was bent. The first position we learn as white belts, and there was the evidence that my foundation was poorly laid, or that absence due to my injury had chipped away at it.

My rear foot was not planted firmly on the ground; the outside edge was lifting, and therefore my knee was bending. My knee was bending, therefore my hips were tilting. My hips were tilting and therefore, as I listened to my body I became aware, my back was hurting and I was leaning forward slightly.

By not minding my foot, a simple thing to do and something I'd promised myself only recently I would commit myself to, I was sabotaging my all-too-recent return to the Dojang after my injury.

Sa Bom Nim drove home that my back needed my foot's cooperation. My foot needed my mind to focus and be aware.

"Give awareness and purpose to every movement."

I have memorized the song of the Sip Sam Seh in preparation to recite it for some Gup Shim Sa down the road. I thought to 'save' it for a 'big' test, such as for my Il Gup exam. It is beyond memorization, it comes to mind often during the day, and especially when I listen to my instructors in the Dojang. I recite it in the shower, sometimes in the car. I try to find a rhythm and cadence to it in the English that I feel must exist in the Korean, though I have never heard it read aloud.

These fundamental aspects of our art.. The foundations I need to work on so that my more recent techniques can function.. there they are! They're in the Song of the Sip Sam Seh. This poem is like a cheat sheet, and for some reason we wait until we are told that we can no longer recite the 8 Key Concepts during a test to look for something else to study.

There is no task so small that it does not warrant your best effort.

I'm paraphrasing a Samurai movie I recently watched, but this concept struck a cord with me. How often do we skimp on effort because we are 'saving' it for something important? Master Choi says "Every day is a test." Every moment is a test. We often speak of judging people by their actions, but when presented with the smallest task we often do not yearn to excel at it. To take pride in the small things, to do them well because we can.

Small things, like planting my foot firmly to tax the muscles that I need to strengthen. To punch strong, even though I have no physical target. If I am training to develop muscle strength and memory, what else is more important than moving correctly, every time?